Let's Talk About Visibility
I first realized my gender identity when my kid saw me a little different than I was able to see myself. She was only 6 at the time, but she knew that identity is expansive. She knew that gender isn't determined at birth by everyone else, but it's something that finds its way into a person's deep understanding of who they are and how they fit in the world. I'm pretty sure she personally identified as a Disney Princess at the time, so this made a lot of sense to her and she called me out.
Of course that was exactly what I needed, a Disney Princess push into living authentically. And now that is exactly what I do. I use they/them pronouns. I identify as nonbinary and have spent the last four years reclaiming my body with the help of hormone support and gender affirming top surgery. And while I've always been a pretty happy person, since I came out as trans and took these steps, I feel not just happy, but settled. Not just content, but home.
I identify as nonbinary transgender, meaning that I don't identify with how I was gendered at birth and don't quite fit into the binary system at all, actually.
Today is International Transgender Day of Visibility, a day that was created as a celebration of trans people. While there seems to be an endless cycle of bad news for trans people (like the terrible news this week that trans kids will be denied gender affirming health care in Arkansas), creating space for celebrating trans visibility is always part of the work to protect the trans community.
Despite the fear and hardships trans people face, trans people refuse to go away. If anything, our numbers are growing. Like me, jumping into the trans pool at age 38. That's because of visibility. Visibility added they/them as a singular pronouns to the dictionary. Visibility brings children's books that normalize gender creativity to public libraries and schools.
Visibility teaches little gender nonconforming kids that they can grow up to be anything they want. I grew up in the 80s when it was groundbreaking to teach little girls that they could be something other than a teacher or a mother. Now when we teach kids they can be anything, we really mean it.
I like to think about visibility in weather terms. It's really just: how far can you see? When it's snowing real hard, you can't see too far. Cloudy day? Not so good. Good visibility just means that the sky is clear and you can see forever.
By sharing my authentic life, I like to think I'm clearing the view for those who come after me. It's not always easy to share my story so openly, but because of all I share, I get direct messages from parents who tell me they realize now how important it is to support the neighbor's kid who is struggling. They ask for my help, which I gladly offer. I get to clear the view for trans people who didn't know they could have a family or raise kids. And I get to live pretty much the exact life I imagined as a kid, the life I didn't know I could have as a queer person. It's such a good life.
I want this and so much more for ALL trans people. We will get there by challenging laws, expanding protections, standing up for trans rights, and sharing trans stories. I can't wait until we can all look up and see forever.
